No Super Heros Today: Unpopular Opinion #2

Unpopular Opinion #2: There is no Super Hero coming to save the day

Seeking humanity, recovering perfectionists, pointing fingers, blame me, no superheroes, perfect storm, pandemic, compounded stressors, sisu

For the past couple of years, we’ve watched unfold a series of “once-in-a-lifetime” occurrences. Much has been said and written about the compounding impacts of the untenable social and political strife; local, national, and international violence; a disastrous global pandemic; an increasingly shaky domestic economy, etc. The impacts of these stressors on our personal well-being, our family and social lives, and our trust and connection to systems – including schools and places of work – are real and are often intense. Our children and youth are expressing sometimes challenging behaviors that are not only a product of their emotional reactions based on their own experiences but also a reflection of the stresses felt by the adults in their lives. Parents, caregivers, and educators are all stretched beyond capacity. There is a mass exodus from the workplace as we seek compassion, compensation, and balance. Some of us may need a change of scene, as we’re associating difficult times with the current environment.

Many are wanting “someone” to fix the situation. From the depts of all the emotional upheaval and exhaustion connected to this perfect storm, we are looking for “accountability.” I have found myself often wondering what our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents thought, said, and did during the pandemic in the early 1900’s. Who did they seek to hold accountable for the influenza that killed 50 million people worldwide? During previous world conflicts, did they think “someone” was going to stop the “bad guy?” I recognize that back then, as is the case now, nothing is that simplistic. The same is true, however, for how we got here and how we get out; placing blame and looking for someone to fix it is an easy - but ineffective - answer.

My mother was born just after World War II and grew up playing in the bomb holes in London with 3 older brothers. Other family modeled “sisu,” the Finnish word that roughly translates as: stoic determination, tenacity of purpose, grit, bravery, resilience, and hardiness. It’s important to note that while my family and I navigated a lot of adversity, none had anything to do with the harms and injustice of racism. In my growing up, I learned to do hard things by placing one-foot-in-front of the other. I also learned to use what’s in front of me, to appreciate simplicity and hard work, and to choose gratitude whenever I saw the opportunity. This means that we got by with a lot of “close enough is good enough” fixes. Anyone else use books to hold up the front corner of the couch or have a garden fence made of old headboards and bedsprings? Perfection wasn’t the aim. Getting through. Making do. Choose your battles.

What I learned is that no one is going to do it for me, whatever “it” is. We can lean on family, friends, and community – that’s what we’re here for. But it takes me, doing whatever I can, to make things better in whatever small way I can. Just as there is no one person to hold accountable for a global pandemic, there is no super hero coming to save the day. It’s me. It’s you. It’s us. Let’s dig deep and call on our sisu, look for opportunities to choose gratitude, and hold our collective selves accountable.

Try this simple formula for navigating as a leader:

1. Acknowledge the challenges. In plain, concrete, specific language, name what is causing the stress. Even if that means naming uncertainty.

2. Model vulnerability and demonstrate concern. Talk (briefly) about how the situation is impacting you, your emotions, your work, your life. Take care of yourself and let others know how you’re doing that. Be real. Be human.

3. Revisit the resources available. Make sure everyone knows what is available to help with wellbeing for staff and for their families, both at work and outside of work. Provide time to access the resources. Ensure the resources are available without an end date.

4. Revisit and ground in the mission. Give this a moment; don’t try to move to this step before truly giving time for steps 1, 2, and 3. But, also, don’t wait too long. When the mission is good and just, the feeling of “doing something” can be very empowering. Also, let the workspace be a positive place where *active positivity is fostered and expected (*not to be confused with toxic positivity which is positivity for its own sake and has the effect of glossing over the underlying issues).

5. Let staff lead. After revisiting your “why” (the mission), staff’s active participation in the “what” is empowering and ensures that what is needed is created and implemented.

6. Model and showcase the work. Visually, in-person, and repeatedly show where we are in the work and where we are going. Be present and engaged.

7. Celebrate successes. This is an easy way to practice gratitude and to balance where we place our attention, and correspondingly, our intention.

Whatever mess we’re in, we’re in it collectively. The way out is together. If a super hero shows up, I’ll be glad for the help.